It's clearly BLACK and WHITE

                Unless you’ve been under a rock….more specifically under a rock with no television or social media, you cannot help but notice how the news is inundated with stories of unarmed black males being killed by white civilians and white law enforcement agents.  While these incidents are nothing new, they were recently brought back into the forefront by stories such as Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis—both young, black teenagers killed by white men in Florida who incited the “Stand Your Ground Law” as their primary defense.  Recent cases such as Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri and Eric Garner in New York have reopened these wounds that were still so fresh for so many.  The latest case of unarmed Walter Scott in South Carolina who was shot 8 times in the back by a police officer only threw salt in the wounds.  There are many sides to these stories and in some cases, many questions that have yet to be answered but further discussion and open dialogue is definitely warranted.  Why does this keep happening? Who is at fault? What can we do, if anything, to fix it?

                Motherhood has been an amazing experience but even though my son is only 5 months old, my heart is sometimes filled with trepidation.  I am raising a young, black man.  I am raising an endangered species. My husband and I are raising the entity that is at the center of the controversy.   My husband and I will do everything in our power to raise a God-fearing, law abiding, respectable young man, but is that enough?  Does it matter that my child will be from a good home and a good community? Or will he simply be viewed as just another black male?

                We hate to talk about it, but it’s kind of the elephant in the room—racism.  It is still alive and thriving.  We have certainly come a long way from the days of segregation and Jim Crow Laws, but we are not too far removed from those times and we are currently in the times of racist leaked Sony emails and racist rants by college fraternity members. 

                While it’s never fair to blame the victim, have young black men created lifestyles synonymous with violence? Sagging pants, faces obscured by hoodies, loud misogynistic music, and crime have become the essence of the black man as portrayed in the media.  There are racial disparities in incarceration—According to statistics, one in six black men had been incarcerated as of 2000 and according to that same statistic, if current trends continue, one in three black males born today can expect to spend time in prison during his lifetime.  WOW. 

                We see the images on social media profiles of young males with sagging pants, holding wads of cash, pointing guns, and maybe even doing drugs. When did THIS become the pinnacle of success? Young, black men and women have their priorities all wrong—the value money of education, violence over hard work, looks and perceptions over reality, and flashy lifestyles over learning.  What would Martin Luther King, Jr., W.E.B. Dubose, Andrew Young, Nelson Mandela, and Desmond Tutu think of this new generation?  In the words of the late Marvin Gay, “What’s Going On?”

                So we’ve acknowledged that there is a problem now what is the solution? Do African American males change their behavior and culture? Do other races need cultural competency training? Where do we go from here? Contrary to what Michael Jackson said, it DOES matter if you’re black or white. 

They don't make em like that no more

Our little bundle is almost 5 months old and I would venture to say that we have the hang of this whole parenting thing.  He’s a baby with a great temperament and a great personality.   I truly enjoyed being pregnant—the joy of knowing that you are creating a life and watching that life grow inside of you as your belly (and the rest of you) gets bigger and bigger, and I truly enjoy being a mom.  He actually slept through the night the other day for the FIRST time ever! We were so proud of our baby boy!

Motherhood should be looked upon as a job or career where you never get to clock out, go on break, or take a leave of absence.  It’s a wonderful job but sometimes a difficult one.  When my husband and I told people we were pregnant, everyone was quick to offer all kinds of help. Cooking, cleaning, babysitting, washing clothes, meal delivery, etc.  I immediately thought to myself, “How sweet, but I don’t need any of that.”  I think back to the days of my grandmother and mother—the days when you had the baby in the field and went right back to picking tobacco. The days when you had the baby, spent two to three days out of work and went right back to it.  The days when you had no other choice but to cook and clean and be wife and mother all at the same time.   What has happened to those days?  What happened to those kind of women?

Today’s mothers are different and for lack of a better phrase, “they don’t make em like they used to.”   Now I’m no Claire Huxtable or June Cleaver, but I certainly hold down a fulltime job, a part-time job and take care of my duties as a wife and mother.  I still cook and clean and take care of my husband and son and myself.  I still workout and keep myself looking nice (beware of THOTS).   I do all of these things without the assistance of a maid or cleaning lady. Without having my mother or mother-in-law practically have custody of my child.  And I do it all without complaints.   Granted, my husband is an excellent help mate, but for the most part, I take care of the home.  So, why are young women, and some older ones too, so quick to throw their “responsibilities” into the hands of others?  Is it to clear up their time for other things? Is it simply laziness? Is it simply their norm and how they were raised? Or is it the new culture of society—the new normal?

Motherhood is definitely great and each day I am thankful for the blessing that God gave us—a happy, healthy baby boy.  I have several friends who have not been as fortunate.  Pre-term labor, premature infants, high blood pressure during pregnancy, fertility issues, absent fathers and difficult pregnancies have plagued many of my friends. To these ladies I say, “Hold your head up and keep the prayers going up.  Give it to God because He’s the only one equipped to handle these situations anyway.”  To these women and their families I offer my sincerest and most heartfelt sympathy.  If there is anything I can do, please let me know.  I thank those dear friends of mine who became mothers before me and were able to offer some great advice, tips, hacks, and gifts.  Thank you all so much.  To all my “children”—KJ III, Kennedy, Micah, Levi, Silas, Kaiden, Lizzy, Bella, Bakari, EJ, Niyah, Bry and River I can’t wait to see all the great things you’re going to do in the future!