1. If it ain’t about the money….

A.      No money, no honey. No cash, no a$$.

               Money is a common reason people get married and probably the most common reason people get divorced. There’s nothing wrong with potential. But does potential pay the bills? Does one’s propensity for profitable gains make them a catch? Or does one’s actual earnings make them a catch? Is one considered a gold digger if he or she prefers a mate with a little money? Well, it’s the age-old question. If you’re gainfully employed and you’re a mover and shaker, I see no problem in ensuring that your mate is making money. Now on the flip side, if I’ve got my hair done, nails done but I don’t have anywhere to stay and I’m looking for a come up, that’s different and ratchet.  Being equally financially yoked is important too. 

                But what if you’re both making money and then one of you loses your job. That puts a financial and emotional strain on your relationship.  This requires you to put those “for richer or for poorer” vows into action.  When this happens, you need to pray and then you need to budget. Pray for your mate’s career, pray for your household, pray for your strength to endure, and pray that God continues to make a way.  Budget—decide what’s a necessity and what’s a luxury. But don’t cut out ALL the luxuries because that could lead to more problems.  If he’s used to seeing you with your hair done, don’t start looking like Crusty the Clown. If she’s used to seeing you with your hair cut and waves like the ocean, don’t start looking like Ben Wallace.  Make these decisions together and make them with God at the center. 

                In conclusion, being broke ain’t no joke and times are hard when the money is funny. Pulling your weight financially AND having the strength to push through when money is low and upgrade the other when they’re on the rise, will keep the love alive.

                                Next: Mo Money, Mo Problems……

Is Marriage a Scam?

In the confounding words of George W. Bush..."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice.... can’t be fooled again."

While W was just a little off in his regurgitation of a classic quote, he had the right idea. We live in a society today where people are constantly looking for easy money and easy solutions and oftentimes these easy methods involve the scamming or misfortune of others.  

We think of identity theft, claiming other folks’ kids on your taxes and promises of monetary winnings when we think of the word SCAM; but could this term be used in reference to marriage?

This topic was just too vast to make one post so I’ve created a series where each post will focus on one of the top reasons marriages do not survive: money, sex, codependence, infidelity, business arrangement and kids.  

Stay tuned and stay thirsty my friends!

Don’t Call it a Comeback……

It’s been a long time, I should’ve left you, without a dope blog to step to!

Greetings ladies and gents! It has been quite some time since my last post, but my inspiration has returned.  Everyday life in itself is inspiring, but a recent Girl’s Trip rekindled my desire to discuss life, beauty, relationships, fashion, politics, religion, motherhood, work-life balance, and my latest journey to natural hair!  Stay tuned and stay thirsty my friends!

Liars and Teachers and Judges..oh my!

Cheaters.  Villains. Criminals.  Deceptors.  Terms you would not think would be synonymous with teachers and other educators huh?      Well now you can add FELON to the list of adjectives being thrown at the educators in the Atlanta Public School (APS) scandal.  This tawdry tale began almost four years ago because some reporters from the Atlanta Journal Constitution saw “odd patterns” on the CRCT.  After months of digging and researching, they found startling, almost statistically improbable increases in students’ scores, erasure marks on scantrons, etc.  Fast forward to 2015 and you have 11 of 12 indicted former educators on trial charged of racketeering and now CONVICTED and SENTENCED to JAIL!

 Racketeering?  Racketeering is defined basically as conspiring to organize and commit crime—to obtain money by an illegal enterprise.”  WOW.  While I definitely do not condone what was done in this instance….federal criminals? Really?  Racketeering makes them sound like mobsters….like purveyors of organized crime. 

When incentives, bonuses, supplies and pay are based on student performance, that can put a great deal of undue stress on an educator.  Especially if you are an educator in an already low performing school with limited resources and let’s face it under performing students.  

They say then Superintendent Dr. Beverly Hall (God rest her soul) was the ringmaster in this circus of cheating, but we’ll never get to hear her side as I believe the stress of the impending trial and facing jail time caused her to lose her battle with breast cancer.  Make no mistake, there were other high ranking administrators who were on trial and convicted…I believe to make an example out of them. 

 

Did anyone watch the sentencing? Judge Jerry Baxter appeared completely fed up with this whole situation. He was so cold and so callous and appeared to care less about what the defendants had to say….His harsh sentences of 20 years to serve 7 for several of the defendants proved he was D-O-N-E with this trial. 

Now I’ve read of other cases in Florida and Oklahoma that were very similar yet no one went to jail, teachers/educators simply lost their licenses. I think that the educators were DEAD wrong, but JAIL…I do not agree.  The whole trial was a waste of my tax payer dollars.  

You let me know who REALLY won here? Yes the students’ grades were changed and they may NOT have learned key material. YES the educators committed fraud. But the students are not only losing test scores and averages but they’re also losing quality teachers in these areas.  The educators are losing quality time in the classroom and with their families.  Who are the real winners and losers here?

It's clearly BLACK and WHITE

                Unless you’ve been under a rock….more specifically under a rock with no television or social media, you cannot help but notice how the news is inundated with stories of unarmed black males being killed by white civilians and white law enforcement agents.  While these incidents are nothing new, they were recently brought back into the forefront by stories such as Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis—both young, black teenagers killed by white men in Florida who incited the “Stand Your Ground Law” as their primary defense.  Recent cases such as Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri and Eric Garner in New York have reopened these wounds that were still so fresh for so many.  The latest case of unarmed Walter Scott in South Carolina who was shot 8 times in the back by a police officer only threw salt in the wounds.  There are many sides to these stories and in some cases, many questions that have yet to be answered but further discussion and open dialogue is definitely warranted.  Why does this keep happening? Who is at fault? What can we do, if anything, to fix it?

                Motherhood has been an amazing experience but even though my son is only 5 months old, my heart is sometimes filled with trepidation.  I am raising a young, black man.  I am raising an endangered species. My husband and I are raising the entity that is at the center of the controversy.   My husband and I will do everything in our power to raise a God-fearing, law abiding, respectable young man, but is that enough?  Does it matter that my child will be from a good home and a good community? Or will he simply be viewed as just another black male?

                We hate to talk about it, but it’s kind of the elephant in the room—racism.  It is still alive and thriving.  We have certainly come a long way from the days of segregation and Jim Crow Laws, but we are not too far removed from those times and we are currently in the times of racist leaked Sony emails and racist rants by college fraternity members. 

                While it’s never fair to blame the victim, have young black men created lifestyles synonymous with violence? Sagging pants, faces obscured by hoodies, loud misogynistic music, and crime have become the essence of the black man as portrayed in the media.  There are racial disparities in incarceration—According to statistics, one in six black men had been incarcerated as of 2000 and according to that same statistic, if current trends continue, one in three black males born today can expect to spend time in prison during his lifetime.  WOW. 

                We see the images on social media profiles of young males with sagging pants, holding wads of cash, pointing guns, and maybe even doing drugs. When did THIS become the pinnacle of success? Young, black men and women have their priorities all wrong—the value money of education, violence over hard work, looks and perceptions over reality, and flashy lifestyles over learning.  What would Martin Luther King, Jr., W.E.B. Dubose, Andrew Young, Nelson Mandela, and Desmond Tutu think of this new generation?  In the words of the late Marvin Gay, “What’s Going On?”

                So we’ve acknowledged that there is a problem now what is the solution? Do African American males change their behavior and culture? Do other races need cultural competency training? Where do we go from here? Contrary to what Michael Jackson said, it DOES matter if you’re black or white. 

They don't make em like that no more

Our little bundle is almost 5 months old and I would venture to say that we have the hang of this whole parenting thing.  He’s a baby with a great temperament and a great personality.   I truly enjoyed being pregnant—the joy of knowing that you are creating a life and watching that life grow inside of you as your belly (and the rest of you) gets bigger and bigger, and I truly enjoy being a mom.  He actually slept through the night the other day for the FIRST time ever! We were so proud of our baby boy!

Motherhood should be looked upon as a job or career where you never get to clock out, go on break, or take a leave of absence.  It’s a wonderful job but sometimes a difficult one.  When my husband and I told people we were pregnant, everyone was quick to offer all kinds of help. Cooking, cleaning, babysitting, washing clothes, meal delivery, etc.  I immediately thought to myself, “How sweet, but I don’t need any of that.”  I think back to the days of my grandmother and mother—the days when you had the baby in the field and went right back to picking tobacco. The days when you had the baby, spent two to three days out of work and went right back to it.  The days when you had no other choice but to cook and clean and be wife and mother all at the same time.   What has happened to those days?  What happened to those kind of women?

Today’s mothers are different and for lack of a better phrase, “they don’t make em like they used to.”   Now I’m no Claire Huxtable or June Cleaver, but I certainly hold down a fulltime job, a part-time job and take care of my duties as a wife and mother.  I still cook and clean and take care of my husband and son and myself.  I still workout and keep myself looking nice (beware of THOTS).   I do all of these things without the assistance of a maid or cleaning lady. Without having my mother or mother-in-law practically have custody of my child.  And I do it all without complaints.   Granted, my husband is an excellent help mate, but for the most part, I take care of the home.  So, why are young women, and some older ones too, so quick to throw their “responsibilities” into the hands of others?  Is it to clear up their time for other things? Is it simply laziness? Is it simply their norm and how they were raised? Or is it the new culture of society—the new normal?

Motherhood is definitely great and each day I am thankful for the blessing that God gave us—a happy, healthy baby boy.  I have several friends who have not been as fortunate.  Pre-term labor, premature infants, high blood pressure during pregnancy, fertility issues, absent fathers and difficult pregnancies have plagued many of my friends. To these ladies I say, “Hold your head up and keep the prayers going up.  Give it to God because He’s the only one equipped to handle these situations anyway.”  To these women and their families I offer my sincerest and most heartfelt sympathy.  If there is anything I can do, please let me know.  I thank those dear friends of mine who became mothers before me and were able to offer some great advice, tips, hacks, and gifts.  Thank you all so much.  To all my “children”—KJ III, Kennedy, Micah, Levi, Silas, Kaiden, Lizzy, Bella, Bakari, EJ, Niyah, Bry and River I can’t wait to see all the great things you’re going to do in the future!

Boy Oh Boy

Motherhood is one of those great gifts that a number of us are afforded, but many of us take for granted. Being a mother is indescribable and wonderful but I must share the story behind my journey to motherhood.  November is a CRAZY month for my household: there’s my wedding anniversary, my birthday, my brother’s birthday, my mother’s birthday, Thanksgiving of course, and now the birthday of my son, Roswell Lawrence, III.

With most things in life I try to plan everything down to the letter…that’s just who I am…But I guess you can’t exactly PLAN on when your baby will come.  Roswell Lawrence, III or Tre as he is affectionately called, arrived on November 6^, 2014…just MINUTES after our wedding anniversary which is on November 5^th.  He was 7 lbs and 9 oz and 21.5 inches long.  He stole our hearts right away.

Let’s back track for a moment and gradually work our way up to Tre’s spectacular arrival.  When Roswell and I discovered we were pregnant, we were SO excited.  The first OB appointment where we could actually see and visualize this little baby that WE had created was awe inspiring.  The doc told us that little Roswell III was due on November 12^th 2014….. Wait…what? November 12^th…that’s MY birthday! Well because of a previous abdominal surgery, I was going to have to have a cesarean anyway and should avoid laboring, so they scheduled the little prince to make his debut on November 7^th.  Okay…this avoided our wedding anniversary AND my birthday and would give him his own special day. 

                Well from that point on after that initial OB appointment, it was eat right, exercise, drink water, GAIN WEIGHT! I was told that because I was already allegedly underweight, that I needed to gain between 30 and 40 pounds. I was like “what the chuck?” I mean as a healthcare provider, all that knowledge went out the window and I was like “wait a minute doc, if the average baby is only 6-8 pounds, what the heck does all the extra weight entail?!” So once the initial shock was gone, I HAD to download this MyFitnessPal App….now I say HAD because SOMEONE was tracking my calorie intake. J MyFitnessPal is designed for people wishing to lose weight and track calories and exercise, well I used it to track increased caloric intake.  It was fun. Entering my meals into this APP every day and trying to ensure that I ate a little here and a little there to break that calorie mark at the end of the day! Whew!

So throughout the pregnancy, I don’t think it ever REALLY donned on me that I was going to be someone’s mother.  I took pregnancy photos to track my belly size, I kept ultrasound photos, I had baby showers, etc., but I don’t think it ever REALLY hit until the wee hours on November 6, 2014 that I was a MOM.

Roswell and I had gone out to dinner on November 5^th to celebrate our 4^th wedding anniversary.  I was pretty big and pregnant at this point so we decided to do it low key.  We had a lovely dinner downtown Athens and chatted for some time.  I started to feel a little indigestion but I thought of course it may be this fancy food I’m eating.  I felt the indigestion one more time while at dinner, but paid it no mind.  We went for a nice walk downtown and then proceeded home to relax and watch a movie.  While watching the movie, I had this feeling that I needed to umm… poop…so…. I did and the feeling subsided. Well then it came back again and again and finally we were like “HEY! We’re in labor.”

We grabbed the bags, rushed to the car and headed to Athens Regional. Now I had JUST preregistered the day before and done all the necessary blood work but for some strange reason, while I’m laboring and my contractions are about 2 minutes apart, they insist on asking me questions like name, DOB, address, etc….ALL of which I deem irrelevant as there is something trying to escape from my body. I pushed through and when it was all done, I was put in a room for observation.

Now, MY PLAN was for them to just tell me these were Braxton-Hicks contractions (false contractions) and send me on my way…I mean it was our wedding anniversary.  Well after being put on the fetal monitor to monitor my contractions and being told “I was rocking them out” by the nurse, it was deemed that this baby would come tonight! 

*My OBGYN practice has like a thousand providers….throughout the pregnancy I purposely had appointments and met with the various doctors, midwives, and nurse practitioners…but of course the ONE physician that I had yet to meet was the one on call this night! LOL *He turned out to be excellent but there’s nothing like your personal OB who knows your body and your history. *

Everything worked like a well-oiled machine after that. Anesthesia, the on-call OB, the nursing staff, and my husband seemed to work in tandem to make this little miracle happen.  It was not until I held that little boy in my hands that I realized…”OMG…I’m someone’s MOM.” Someone depends on Roswell and I for EVERYTHING. We are parents!

Now many of you have heard me joke that there should be some kind of application process prior to reproducing and I stand behind that.  Some people, for various reasons should NOT reproduce!  I mean, no one asked me about my job, home life, motherly instincts, etc. before I had a baby! BUT my dear husband assured me that we are in a prime position to raise a child!

Thank you to my husband Roswell for all the comfort and joy. Thank you to the staff at Athens Regional for your wonderful care and compassion. Thank you to all my family, friends, coworkers, etc. who came, called, and sent well wishes.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD ROSWELL LAWRENCE, III

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him:" I Samuel 1:27